I feel shitty. And I feel even shitter about feeling shitty when technically, I don't have a right to feel shitty. I want to go and talk to people and rant about the injustice of the world, but I'm scared that I'll just sound like I'm gloating. And with my incredible skills of sensitivity and conversation skills, I probably will.

This is so screwed up. The people who want the posts don't get it, and instead I who don't really care do.

This really, totally sucks. As in you can tell how bad it is by the fact that I'm at a lost for words, and normally I'm the loud one complaining about the injustices of the world.

Next year for exco elections, Lickie, we're going to look at TALENT. We're going to have VOTES, and the VOTES are what will count. Not what is determined by a limited, judgemental, bigoted, biased bullshit view taken from a 5 minute interview.

Ugh.

It's really, really bad. It's the ignominy of being used so blatantly as a last resort, and the guilt that I've stolen the post away from someone who deserves and wants it more than I do. I mean, I hold no illusions about my interview skills and capabilities. And it's not like I haven't tried before. Last year was totally screwed when tribune was such a slack cca in the first place, and I know that much of it was because I didn't take it seriously in the first place. I don't see how this would be any different.

And deep down there's the question of whether I could have done something to prevent this. I know I smsed tiffanie and all, but did the rest of the exco even know about that? Maybe I should have stated outright in the interview that I didn't want to be head editor.

And guess what? I'm not head editor. I'm pubs head. A position I ran for. By rights this should have meant that my entire plan for the next year would go perfectly, but of course it doesn't. They scrapped away the post of head editor.

What kind of inane, stupid move was that? Have they NO idea how to run a publication? How did they ever survive as the head if they even thought that they could do without an editor? What were they thinking? Were they thinking?

It's so twisted it's kind of sick the way they manipulated all of these. I mean technically they didn't do anything along the lines of putting someone else for head editor. And thank god they didn't. I would feel even worse otherwise. But it doesn't stop the fact that this whole business is damn screwed up, and their stupid bigoted prejudice stopped them from putting the title of head editor in a deserving person's hands, and if this continues the whole of ra would be screwed up, with writersincc or not.

Lickie's right. We all feel lousy. Those who didn't get the posts naturally feel bad, while those who get the posts feel bad too cause of how screwed this system is. And the fact is, we DO want to be in the exco. I mean, it's the exco. Everyone wants to be in it, like duh. But I would much rather be a welfare rep. As in, in our minds we already have designated positions for everyone, merely positions and jobs that exist WITHOUT the stupid titles that our seniors used to get around our nominations. And if we are in that post instead, it doesn't FEEL right. There's a sense that I don't deserve the post, and that you're intruding on someone else's space.

I mean that's why I didn't want to run against someone else in the first place, cause then even if you win there's nothing to feel good or happy about, cause that means that someone didn't get a position. Running for ra exco was such a happy clappy business cause there're only so many people there in the first place, and even if you sort by talent there's just enough seats. Then there has to be this merger that screws EVERYTHING up, and now even those who did get into the exco aren't happy about it.

Did I mention how screwed up this is?

This is really, really, completely, thoroughly fucked up.

Lichen was reightarded